The Mirror
Meeting Yourself without Judgement
The Mirror is about seeing yourself as you actually are, rather than as you think you should be.
Before we can meaningfully explore ourselves, we need to become willing to see what is there : our thoughts, feelings, reactions, preferences, patterns, voices, and ways of being.
The Mirror is not about analysing or fixing yourself. It is about developing the capacity to observe yourself without immediately judging, explaining, or changing what you find.
The Mirror is the beginning of self recognition
“I can look at myself without needing to become someone else.”
Way-Marker 1 : Looking in the Mirror
The Mirror is a way of looking at ourselves a little more closely. We are not deciding whether we like what we see, just exploring how we see ourselves. We all carry ideas and descriptions of who we are. Some feel familiar, some may have been with us for years, and some may have come from other people.
The aim is simply to notice how we describe ourselves, without deciding whether those descriptions are right or wrong.
Explorers Experiment
Complete the sentence “I am someone who…” three times. Write whatever comes to mind without thinking too hard.
Then ask yourself:
“Which one feels most like me?”
“Which one surprised me?”
There is no need to explain or analyse the answers. The purpose is simply to notice the words and descriptions that arise when we look at ourselves.
Way-Marker 2 : The Voice Within
We all carry stories about ourselves. Some of those stories we have created. Others are stories we have been told and come to believe. Over time, they can become the voice we hear when we think about ourselves.
The aim is to begin noticing whose voice we are listening to. Is it a voice that feels like our own, or something we learned somewhere along the way?
Explorers Experiment
Consider these few ordinary statements:
‘I'm not very good at that’;
‘I need to keep everyone happy’;
‘I shouldn't make a fuss’;
‘ I always have to be the responsible one’.
Choose one that sounds familiar, without necessarily choosing one that is personally significant.
Then ask yourself: “If this sentence had a voice, whose voice would it sound like?”
Examples could be:
Someone from my family?;
A teacher?;
A friend?;
Society?;
My own voice?;
I don't know.
Becoming self aware is about becoming aware of the different voices that have created you and noticing when it is definitely your own voice.
Way-Marker 3 : Testing My Voice
We all have a way of speaking to ourselves, and much of it happens without us noticing. Sometimes that voice is kind, sometimes critical, sometimes encouraging, sometimes demanding.
The aim is simply to become aware of the words we use about ourselves. We are not trying to replace them yet. We are learning to hear them.
Explorers Experiment
Write down one sentence you sometimes say to yourself about yourself.
Now look at the sentence as though somebody else had written it about you.
“Is this a fact, a judgement, a description, a story — or something else?”
Does seeing your own words from the outside change the way you hear them?
There is no need to change the words or make them more positive. The purpose is simply to notice the voice we use when we speak to ourselves.
Way-Marker 4 : Finding Me
We all move through life playing different roles. Some have been given to us, some we have chosen, and some we have grown into almost without noticing.
The aim is to become curious about the difference between the roles we play and the person experiencing them. What feels like me, regardless of the role I am in?
Explorers Experiment
Think about an ordinary day and choose three different roles you have played.
“Which role feels most natural to you?”
“Which role feels least like you?”
Imagine putting each role down for a moment.
“When you are not being any of these roles, what do you notice?”
There is no need to find an answer. The purpose is simply to notice the difference between the roles we play and the person experiencing them.
Way-Marker 5 : Meeting Myself
Having noticed the different roles we play, we can begin to meet ourselves without needing to define or explain who we are.
The aim is simply to create a little space in which we can notice what is present when we are not busy being who we think we need to be.
There may be something familiar there. There may be something unexpected. There may be nothing obvious at all. All of that is okay.
Explorers Experiment
Find a moment in a busy day and follow this little reflection:
“Think about all the different things you've been today.
The things you've done.
The people you've spoken to.
The roles you've played.
The thoughts you've had.
For a moment, you don't need to be any particular one of them.
You don't need to achieve anything.
You don't need to work anything out.
Just notice yourself sitting here.
What is it like to spend a few moments simply being you?”
Way-Marker 6 : The Mirror
The Mirror is not there to tell you who you are. It is simply a tool for reflection, a way of looking again, noticing something more, and becoming a little more familiar with yourself.
You may discover something new. You may notice something you had forgotten. You may simply become more comfortable with what is already there.
The aim is not to reach a final answer, but to know that you can always look again.
Closing the Waypoint
There is no further experiment here. Allow the exploration to settle.
There is no final answer to find. The questions explored here can be returned to whenever you wish.
